| time for a change... |
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| 06:34pm 27/10/2009 |
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So new life change. Just moved in with my girlfriend melissa. Wondering what exactly the future will hold to be honest. I have not moved in 3 1/2 years... its so odd to be in this new situation. Love the girl, its nice to move on..
New life.. wow. |
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| wow long ago and far away... |
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| 09:25pm 15/05/2007 |
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I'm reading through myold entries and it seems as though life was always either fucking tragic or boring... it doesnt ever seem like I liked my life or how my life is or what Im doing... I have to realize a few things... in fact really just one... NOTHING lasts forever so enjoy it while its here and be happy that its here... why bitch when its gone... cause when its gone its so far gone its impossible to get back... I hope we don't remember our life when we die... I hope we don't just sit in a room surronded by tv's watching our every eternal move cause that would be so boring... death is such a strange concept to me... Ive seen it looked it right in the face and yet still walked away from it..
well right now im in west palm and tomorrow is my 24th bday... and i am relaxing enjoying my time on the computer...
and one more thing.. I love sarah |
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| Cold but Im still here |
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| 11:44pm 21/09/2006 |
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mood:  amused
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How to post this.... You know when you close your eyes and you relax you can see everything in front of you that is important... even when that something has hurt beyond your own belief... they've hurt you so bad that you cant even believe it... but at the same time.. you know... that this isnt the end... you know you have a future with that person... and that future is coming soon... its strange and alluring... and its kinda like watching a play... because you see how its going to end... your popcorn in hand and your chewing on a butterfinger... and your pointing at the screen and telling everybody how this is going to end... but nobody believes you cause its such a strange twist... but you just know... its going to happen... soon...
You know... I used to cry and struggle with my little personal tragedies... but now-a-days I just laugh... I do... how morbid am I? Have I lost my reality button or what?? I am pointing and laughing at my own bullshit.. and saying things like... well shit... and should've seen that coming... geez... I used to be so good at deciding things... nowadays I kinda suck at it... lol... Im laughing harder because I didnt realize how much I loved her until this happened... I knew I loved her.... I knew the moment I fell in love... but I didnt know how much I loved...
I will be everything you want when you want it...
Wait for me... Trust for me fall for me
even when you dont know you fall for me
will you fall for it? |
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| Fucking Bullshit |
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| 02:11pm 20/09/2006 |
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music: How you gonna act like that-Tyrese
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Hmmm... I would love to elaborate on my situation but I honestly do not feel like elaborating at this time... My situation sucks.... I miss the way we used to be... I miss how we used to be together... shes back with her ex... and Im stuck LIVING in this situation... whats sad is that she has NO IDEA what she has given up... how can you possibly give up someone who cares for you more than themselves? How can you not even give a reason for your sporatic behavior?? Give me an explination please!!!! Tell me what you want!!!! You want me gone Im gone; you want me here I am here for you; you want me to never talk to you again then we're not talking; you want me to wait until you come to your senses, then Im sitting right here waiting... just tell me what you want so I can decide what it is I do with myself now... because I dont think I can begin to move on until I know that we are forever done... are you testing me? To see how far i can go until I finally bend so hard I break... just like you break my heart... when you looked at me when you were holding her, to see my reaction... my hardend expression turned to a soft pleading one... Im pleading for you to be less cruel... Im pleading for you to remember what I meant to you... because you would never do that shit to me, if you could just remember who I am... Look at me!!!! Remember when I kissed you in the rain... our first real kiss... in the woods in the rain when I stopped the truck and grabbed your hand to help you out... I just pulled you towards the woods... you laughing asking what I wanted to show you, I wheeled you around looked you in the eyes and kissed you passionatly... you were so surprised and stunned you didnt stop smiling the entire way home... that weekend was all about us... we were together and nothing else mattered... I should have kept it that way... I should have never moved here so fast... you would have NEVER ended up with sandra again... You would called me instead and planned when I was coming down... I wish I would have thought alot smarter.
I miss you... Lizzie... my :Lizzie: |
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| quick update |
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| 01:52pm 04/09/2006 |
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music: Lips of an angel-hinder
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So im all settled in this new house, Ive decided not to write down my plans or anything for fear karma will find them and destroy these plans, lol.
This house is fucking gorgeous and i cant wait to move out of it, lol. Naw, I just miss fla... so okay new news...
I've been with Liz for a little while now. We're good:) She's fucking incredible... I don't really see anything bad besides our distance. I get a chance to see her in about two weeks, Im hoping.. If I have to steal a goddamn car I will! Lol.
I can't wait for you all to meet her, I really think you'll love her to death. Like me:) I have some new pics going up on my myspace here pretty soon of the new house's, nanna and poppops and our new house. I cant wait to show off these places:) lol.
Okay ima go... this music has me by the mind and I dont wanna ruin it. |
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| 07:38pm 01/08/2006 |
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I know its been awhile but... im alive...
It's soo funny cause I was all into the not doing of relationships and now I found myself on the border of one. Of one where I feel my feet lifting everytime we talk... the physical is amazing the mental just the same.. the emotion takes time... we both dont need to rush this... but we're so spun for each other... god I hate to be a pessimist but sometimes... things fall apart..
they fall apart so hard.
What is she doing to me? What am I doing to her
she sent this to me... for me.. she says its exactly verbatim what she feels for me... dear goddess!
"I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me
You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside
I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me
I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me
Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside
I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me
Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life
Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay
I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me
I canit be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me
I memorized all the words for you
If you only knew
How much thatis just not like me"
oh dear god |
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| 05:11am 25/05/2006 |
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imm....
imm in love with a stripper.... |
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| 11:21am 20/05/2006 |
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I'm now calm and cool ad complacent with my situations....
And now i need to play Kingdom hearts...2 |
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| 10:23am 18/05/2006 |
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mood:  indescribable music: Whiskey Lullaby
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She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette.
She broke his heart: He spent his whole life trying to forget.
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time,
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
Until the night:
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger.
And finally drank away her memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.
We found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said: "I'll love her till I die."
And when we buried him beneath the willow,
The angels sang a whiskey lullabye.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la.
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time,
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.
Until the night:
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger.
And finally drank away his memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.
We found her with her face down in the pillow,
Clinging to his picture for dear life.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow,
While the angels sang a whiskey lullabye.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la. |
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| pains and pains |
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| 05:07pm 27/04/2006 |
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mood:  accomplished
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sorry for the non update. We just got dsl back here at the house, so I shall try to update more often..
anywho...
Not much has happened.. I got into an accident and I have now officially got the news that I broke, not sprained my ankle... so I may have to quit my job. meh, that doesn't seem to bother me that much. Oh, I have been going to the community college here, and i shall graduate in May with my associates, thank god.
I believe thats about it. Anyways, things are just getting back to normal up here. It's been a long long batch of months, but I'm starting to fit in. And I'm leaving to go up north with mom and danny around mid june. So that everything can once again change. Thats okay though.
And I have decided that Im going to give american idol a serious try. So thats my current future plans. So *waves to everyone* I miss you all! And if I don't see you in real life you ca always catch me on the show *grins* |
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| Never fear your local lesbian is here! |
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| 01:16pm 29/03/2006 |
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After 4 months of dating and absolutly no fights to break us up, I finally took the inituative and broke us up myself... thank god. I'm not with Joe, I'm not getting married, I'm not... I'm just whoa... not. Thank you god! I told Joe, that I can't be with him, because I miss being with women and I think he kinda took it the wrong way... but I dont care!!! I have never been in a more boring relationship ever!!!!! It made me miss some exes that I hated when I was with them! Okay, so just so you know Im back babYYY! WoOt!
Single, oh and in even better news I broke my 2 month streak.. you know dating someone for two months and then it just getting dull.. or getting dumped.
Goddess I feel damned good!... but i have to go.
~Brenna |
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| 01:51pm 03/03/2006 |
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*Yawns* I live in a small town... but good news we are moving! Si moving senor. Yep... to north georgia... gotta go where the land is... but thats only 20 miles out of augusta which is a huge city, almost the size of orlando... so Im a little happier... I'll give you updates on how Im progressing every so often...
ttfn
~Brenna |
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| heh |
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| 02:27pm 24/02/2006 |
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"Happy-endings are just stories that aren't finished." |
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| 04:27pm 22/02/2006 |
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Hey Patricia if your checking my journal every so often... Id love to chat with you. could you respond to my emails maybe? |
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| 09:56am 07/02/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative
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must update today...
Job search since being laid off... did you guys know they lay-off workers here???
Anywho... today I got 3 jobs... oh my god!
I am a shift manager at subway *snickers to self*
I am a shift manager at Movie gallery *laughs*
And I work as an alternate at the other gallery...
busy busy!
Which means I shall be paid off, shipped up, boxed up and sent out...
By the way alot of you ask why Tallahassee...
I have my reasons the top most being...
my family.
I know thats stupid but Im really finding out what they mean to me.
I think Chris's situation has taught me alot about that. You dont get to choose them but you get to choose if you love them.
Sappy I know but meaningful.
Tallahassee also has one of the best film schools in a public University in the country. I can get money from the gov out of the ass for this school and on top of it all... I made the decision on my own... I didnt wait to see who would help me up if I slipped, and I didnt wait to see who could stick with me...
guys Im really growing up and changing... drastically.
Im going to drive down with Joe after I get my income tax... I have some debts to erase and some friends to see... Im just uncertain wether this will be goodbye... or if this will be delayed for the next meeting... I have so much to consider now that Im actually not taking the saftey road anymore... Im taking care of myself for a change... and I hope everyone can be supportive of that.
But dont think this means I dont miss you all... because I do.
respond
~Viena |
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| 10:13am 03/02/2006 |
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Hey guys!
Chris, I dont know if you got my little reply thingy in your deadjournal.. cause it doesnt look like it posted.. but HAPPY BIRTHDAY... *throat hurts*
So I'm still moving down asap.. anyone wanna live with me? I promise not to let anyone else live with us.. ever... EVER!!!
I have three current options...
Tallahasse
Orlando
Palm Bay
Lets see what happens... post here my friends...
Oh and I am definitly still trying out for american idol. |
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| 11:33am 18/01/2006 |
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So much has happened since X-mas...
In a nut shell....
So I was dating this guy Travis...
I broke up with him for his best friend Jaret....
Who introduced me to Joe...
Who I then broke up with Jaret for...
Now I'm with Joe...
........................
Umm... I thought I had established that I was homosexual...
Anywho... Joe now wants to move to Orlando with me....
Because I have whole-heartedly decided to come home for 3 main reasons...
... Georgia is okay but it's tough to find a job...
... Art school is 18,000 dollars a year....
... I really miss my friends!...
Okay, so now we're all caught up...
Email me if you think this is at all a good plan./..
Hell just get into contact with me peez:)
Anybody... hello? |
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| merry christmas |
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| 09:36pm 24/12/2005 |
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mood:  cold
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When I was growing up, Christmas was my favorite time of year.
Not just for presents, but for the little things.
Like having a reason to sing outloud, without everyone staring at you.
The anticipation of watching your family find out that you really know absolutly nothing about who they are with your generic gifts, that could simply be sorted into the his and her bin rather then the individual nametags placed on that gift. that may sound cynical but I always thought it was pretty interesting.
Christmas lights on the tree and on the houses
and my favorite, hanging out with my friends at the coffee shop on christmas eve.
I didnt get to do that this year... and that makes me more upset then anyone could ever see.
I miss you all. Everyone, even if we've had a fight and stopped talking... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong and everything I will do in the future. I never wanted to leave, I always wanted to be around you all.
I'm so sorry.
If anyone would like to get ahold of me, you have to visit or write... seeing as how my parents are far more irresponsible then I could ever be. We no longer have phone or cable... and theres a good chance that on new years I could once again be homeless...
310 Peach st.
Cochran, Ga 31014
Chris... I will be sending you some stuff in the mail soon, so write me a letter so I can start sending you the stuff i owe you. |
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